The threat is real. Astronomers confirm the interstellar object, Comet 3I/ATLAS, named 3rd Eye Atlas by DT Weekly, is a massive, ancient comet—possibly the oldest ever observed at over seven billion years old—hurling through our solar system.
Here’s what we know: Its tail’s dust is confirmed to be unique among all known comets. Observations reveal its coma—the cloud of gas and dust—is unexpectedly rich in exotic elements like nickel vapor and features an anomalously high carbon dioxide (CO2) content. This interstellar dust is characterized by an Extreme Negative Polarization (suggesting a profoundly alien makeup). With its incredible speed, up to one hundred thirty thousand miles per hour, it could be totally harmless or dropping radiated space dust, spying, or set to blow! Worse, it could be the source of the Zombie Code.
Whatever it is – The key to surviving is simple; you’ll need cunning, stamina, and a safe place to hide.
One. Stand Your Ground with Naturewell Juice and Smoothie Bar!
What interstellar object just entered our solar system, with an unusual retrograde orbit and non-gravitational acceleration suggesting a deliberate, technological nature?
If you said an Intergalactic Reconnaissance Probe or Alien Mothership, according to Harvard astrophysicist Avi Loeb, you may be right! The speculation that the interstellar object 3I/ATLAS (Comet C/2025 N1) may be an “alien mothership” or technological probe is due to its unusual, almost perfectly aligned retrograde trajectory (virtually in the plane of the planets), its non-gravitational acceleration (seen as engineered propulsion), and its gigantic size. However, the prevailing view in the scientific community, including NASA and ESA, is that 3I/ATLAS is a natural interstellar comet, confirmed by its visible coma, tail, and composition of ices and dust. Whew.
Either way, if Downtown ever finds itself depleted and panicked, like the town of Muncie, Indiana in the 1977 film Close Encounters of the Third Kind written and directed by Steven Spielberg, head to Naturewell Juice and Smoothie Bar in the Historic Core’s Spring Arcade Building.
Like the wholeness of the mid-west, Naturewell is packed with pure, high-octane fuel! Energize with a powerful fruit blend, like the Açai Superfood Bowl or a G-Immunity Shot, to instantly replenish your strength and keep your body in tune.
Two. Stock Up on Fresh Produce at Social Districts Farmers Market
Having to stock up on fresh foods before any emergency is an absolute priority when it comes to the ways of survival. Run to the Social Districts Farmers Market every Saturday (Winner of Best Farmer’s Market, Downtown News) for fresh fruits, vegetables, and other nutrient-rich staples is an absolute must.
The Social District (formerly known as South Park), known for landmarks like the Crypto.com Arena and the Los Angeles Convention Center, has undergone a transformation in recent years. It has evolved into a desirable residential district, and the addition of the Social District Farmers’ Market only enhances its appeal. From dry goods to wholesome wine sampling, this farmers market hints at variety, nutrition, entertainment, and class.
Three. Stay on the Grind with Nice Coffee
Nice Coffee in the Finance District is known for its aroma-rich blends that keep our corporate sector hyper-alert and focused with sharp reflexes.
Just like in director Hwang Dong-hyuk’s Squid Game, Downtown needs to outthink and stay ahead of the superior minds of our corporate alien competitors.
Winner of the community vote for “Greatest Outdoor Setting,” “Ideal Workspace,” and the coveted “Greatest Cafe in DTLA” in this year’s DTLA Coffee Week 2025 voters’ poll, Nice Coffee keeps the mind percolating. Perhaps NASA scientists need a few cups to help figure out what the hell this thing really is. Hmmm.
Four. Just Rave
In director Ridley Scott’s 1979 Aliens flick, it took months in the cryochambers to reach a distant galaxy, but with this mysterious comet, space travel is quick and easy. The interstellar comet 3I/ATLAS is traveling at approximately 130,000 miles per hour as it moves through our solar system, fast enough to get from New York to DTLA in less than a minute!
Just in time to party!
Thanks to Arthur Gonzales, creator of Quantum Groove, DTLA throws the greatest rooftop wellness, hotel, and tenant parties the city has ever seen!
Alien light show above, as Quantum Groove’s mobile rooftop parties bring raving aliens in with dance, cocktails, or wellness events on any given day or night. Quantum Groove hosts international DJs spinning everything from low-amp meditative house grooves to pulsating deep-house beats.
If 3I/ATLAS is in fact being driven through space by aliens, the light show would be out of this world. Plus, what better guests would you like to have show up with cosmic party favors? Think about it.
Five. Stay in the Pocket with Westside Go-Go
Because everybody knows, the best defense against Cosmic dust is an unstoppable groove. Westside Go-Go is quickly becoming famous for regularly bringing the authentic, percussive D.C. Go-Go sound to venues in Downtown and its surrounding areas. The DC Go-Go sound was first made famous in the Spike Lee cult classic School Daze and has since attracted attention within the HBCU scene.
Go-Go’s signature sound is in the “pocket”—an infectious, continuous funk rhythm that demands constant motion. Much like the speeding 3I/ATLAS comet itself, which glows and moves under its own incredible power. Space Jammers won’t help but stay busy sticking to the rhythm of iNation Live rather than taking a bite out of you!
Six. Good Ol’ Safe in a Basement Trick
If it worked in Night of the Comet, it will work here, too! In the 1980s horror flick, a young couple falls asleep in an old steel safe in a basement and wakes up to find they are the only members of the population not affected by a comet’s zombie-making radiation. You’re in luck, because DTLA has a slew of deep basement bars and some even come with old vaults.
Like the old vault at Hotel Per La. Located in the historic former Bank of Italy building, Hotel Per La’s main restaurant designers have ingeniously repurposed the sub-level gold vault into a posh radiant commode. Just duck into the restrooms, built directly where the gold bars were once kept. The steel-reinforced vault door and massive surrounding concrete provide the perfect shield from the cosmic dust. Don’t forget to bring your own tissue.
Seven. Go Metro!!!
Anyone who’s seen Sang-ho Yeon’s Train to Busan will tell you: a train is the safest moving, steel-reinforced space during a mass catastrophe. Metro used to be known for hosting its own zombies seeking air conditioned and shelter from the elements, but those days are quickly coming to an end. Metro has become more reliable, safe and less expensive to ride for multiple trips during the day than ever before. Also, comet Zombies don’t use tap cards, and there’s no way they are getting past the new gates, which demand Tapping while getting on or off the trains, so don’t forget to keep your tap cards reloaded.
Eight. The Historic Core & LA Zombie Crawl
If the comet’s tail turns most of us into zombies, there should be a grand population of zombies roaming around by the time Halloween comes around, so it will be wise not to be outdoors looking and smelling our best.
Like an adaptation of Robert Kirkman’s The Walking Dead, the Halloween Zombie Crawl presented by LA Zombie Crawl allows us to fit right in, showing all that if you can’t beat ’em – join ’em. Disguised as zombies, Downtown Los Angeles can join the undead minions as they travel up and down the Spring Street Strip and Social District, in high zombie fashion, taking in drink specials, new locations, and a costume contest. But watch your spirits and intake—lest you wake up next to someone or something in the morning you might regret.
Nine. LA Gun Club & Ross Cutlery
We turned to Grindhouse directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez for advice on alien and zombie combat.
Ross Cutlery has been the most complete cutlery store in the Western United States since 1930. In addition to stocking kitchen knives and pocket knives, they offer the most comprehensive sharpening service in the Los Angeles area. In case knives aren’t your thing, you can always rely on the LA Gun Club.
Ten. Last Meal at 71Above
In the 2021 Netflix film Don’t Look Up, a sharp satire by Adam McKay, brilliantly capturing the dark humor and societal absurdity of humanity facing an impending, undeniable cosmic threat, oblivious politicians to sensationalist media and self-serving billionaires—react to a “planet-killer” comet, often with a mix of denial, exploitation, and misplaced priorities.
To tell the truth, it will be difficult to contemplate impending doom dining alongside the majestic clouds outside the windows of 71Above. One last meal high above every rooftop, exquisitely prepared by Chef Javi Lopez’s tasty menu overlooking the earth just may be the greatest view and dining adventure in the world. There we can watch the comet fall, explode, fall to Earth, or just pass us by, all while enjoying impeccable service and a peace like no other.
Plus, Zombies or aliens ain’t walking up seventy-one flights of steps.
